Mari's STELLAR life: Archive

I’d rather not compete with other things just to get some attention. Call me selfish but I’m done not being number one…

May 1st

Apr 20th

I'm just pissed

I’m not complaining about spending. But damn I spent a lot. Just cuz he broke dont mean I have to go broke either. Ugh I’m frustrated! How you gonna blow $500 on nothing then expect me to shit out $300+ for anniversary gifts… Idk. I still got the impression of ungratefulness. I would’ve been happy to give it of he didnt bug me about getting it… And I’m not...

Mar 26th

Correction

The last post may have seemed more negative than I intended, but I am hoping for a better future together

Mar 26th

Truth be told

My anniversary absolutely sucked! As I imagined, our relationship has reached it’s breaking point. At one point I wanted to grab my stuff and leave- why? Because this is the point in a relationship that I’ve known so well. This is when somebody cheats, gets neglected, picks fights constantly, or is just not happy anymore. I don’t want to end up hating Jon. But I do love him...

Mar 26th

For once. I would like to be the one taken care of…

Mar 25th

I hate being right about things I want to be wrong about #contemplate

Mar 21st

djmikerizzy: February Heartbeats mixed by DJ...

Feb 22nd

164 notes

As much as I talk about marriage, I’m not really expecting it. It’s just nice to try and plan something worth living for

Feb 20th

I need to stop

Taking Jon for granted. He really and truly is amazing and he would do anything just to please me. I think I still test him because I worry this wont last. And it’s not going to if I keep acting the way I do. So from today on I’m just going to stop and smile. This man loves me. I don’t need to keep questioning that. Real love is a bit intimidating. Lol. I’ve never felt...

Feb 19th

Letoya- obvious

Jan 20th

“You wasn’t taking care of home, left me there alone So what’s a...”

Jan 20th

All I need in this life of sin

Is me and my boyfriend. Jon and I have been seeing each other everyday since Vegas. Hardly any fights (or arguments). I love the way we converse. It’s so open and honest. I’ve never had that before. Yesterday the topic of living together came up. I could see it happening. But how will I know where we’ll be next year as far as finances go? Hopefully we’ll get there by next...

Oct 30th

conversation with an ex

I’m so sick of these types of conversations… Its been 3+ years since we’ve had sex or even seen each other, then you wanna come at me with that kind of mess?!? I’m a very loyal girlfriend, what makes you think you bringing up our old sex life which I never think about or even remember will make me wanna sext you or whatever it is you wanted from bringing that shit up?...

Oct 14th

Its been a while since I've updated

Lately Jon and I have been having some arguments. Most of the time its my fault, yet at the same time I don’t feel its my fault because its something that I feel I can’t control. We talked last night about the things in our relationship. After the conversation I feel better about us. But at the same time, I worry that the way I am will push him away for good. I hear the impatience in...

Oct 14th

Clear the air

So, I want to address two very different topics in this entry… First, I would like to talk about my relationship with my best friend. Rrel and I have known each other for 10+ years. We’re one of those besties that other people wonder why we aren’t together. Honestly, I don’t know what it is about him, that I just can’t commit to, all I know is that - for me - it...

Sep 5th

He is the Reason...

Our love is the reason I stay grounded and sane. It motivates me, inspires me, and challenges me. His presence calms and excites me at the same time. I can’t imagine my forever with anybody else. I got what I always wanted and dreamed of. Together we are perfect. The others from our past didn’t deserve us. They are apart of the past and hold no place in our future. Think of them just...

Sep 5th

Freestyle Poetry 2

Battered and Bruised May 8, 2012 2:12AM You look at me like theres something deeper you’re trying to dig in my eyes as if the words im saying aren’t explaining everything that you want to know but how do i start where do i go to begin i want you to know that ive been broken my hearts been battered and bruised i dont want to start something so serious if im just gonna be...

Aug 23rd

Freestyle Poetry

So I was feeling very poetic on May 8, 2012 at 2 in the morning. For some reason I felt I needed to speak. These were words I couldn’t say to my boyfriend at the time because I had just recently felt myself fall in love with him and I was scared to admit it. BROKEN- 05/08/2012 2:06AM Feeling Boy I cant stop this feel i try to fight this feeling but it wont go away i want to hold...

Aug 23rd

5 months later...

I’ve fallen so deeply. And it’s so amazing cuz the loving moment we have when we look into each others eyes is all REAL. what’s even better is I trust him. I know I trip out on him just because I’ve been conditioned to do so with my last relationship. But slowly I’m able to breathe and just accept that though he isn’t perfect in nature. He is perfect for me. I...

Aug 21st

Aug 3rd

2 notes

Aug 3rd

628 notes

Life is Beautiful

So, every thing has been so amazing lately. I realized the only thing keeping me from being happy now is myself. Jon has been so supportive of me. He really is everything I’ve been looking for. I’m not thinking, “he’d be perfect if he just…” like I did with my past relationships. He is perfect for me. He balances me out. He is supportive. He makes me smile....

Jul 17th

Here it goes...

So I know in my last post I questioned Jon a lot and since then something happened. He was driving my car and we were on our way to either the movies/casino and he looks over at me and tells me he loves me and his eyes start watering. I asked him why. And he said “because I don’t think you realize how much I mean it when I say it. I know u still have your doubts about me” And I...

Jul 7th

Love Life update

Its been almost three months since I met Jon. My first impression of him was good, but I’m still figuring him out. Hes been good about wanting to talk things out and being there when I need him, but there is still this looming doubt and insecurity about his sincerity. Its not fair to him to assume things about him, but how do I know he’s not flirting with other girls hiding things...

Jun 13th

1 note

Jun 13th

9 notes

I just

Don’t know how I feel about how things played out. I’m happy yet I’m mad. There is such a deep level of hate I feel for Mark. I know I can’t let it consume me. So I won’t let it. But I get so angry. Ive been praying asking for strength to just continue on with my life and focus on the positive. I’m only human though. I’m praying god helps me through...

Jun 1st

So the beginning of 2012

Had been one of the most difficult times of my life. Jobless with so much drama with my love life. When I finally cut Mark out of my life completely… Things just got better. I didn’t have to worry about who he was talking to behind my back. Or who he was sleeping with when I wasn’t around… No more stress. And though I’m not happy about being led on the way I was for...

May 24th

Things I don't like in my relationships

A lengthy list of things I just hate about a guy when we’re dating that could be the dealbreaker 1. Not give me space. I don’t need to be with you 24/7 nor do I want to. 2. Not clean up after yourself. I am not your mother. Take care of your own damn self 3. Only do things if it benefits you. A guy who doesn’t offer things/offer to do things for me is such a turn off. ...

Apr 12th

4.12 149 m2 3d

Apr 12th

4.9 151

Apr 12th

Apr 2nd

Changing my ways

So far I managed to stay positive. I’m not trying to think about anything bad. So while I was trying to distract myself I thought about insecurity and infidelity in relationships. The guys who I’ve dated claimed to have issues with my guy friends… Darrel in particular. They also didn’t like the fact that I used to go out a lot. True I get hit on at least once when I go...

Apr 1st

Everything goin wrong

Okay I wasn’t going to blog bout this ish but I guess I have to cuz its really starting to change the way I’m feeling about everything. I’m prone to slip into a depressive state but I won’t. For me, I’m used to people talking shit and judging me. Ever since I was young people have been all up in my business. But it really hurts when people start talking about my...

Apr 1st

Things in the past...

I’m really trying to stay positive. I met someone who has the potential to be someone worth being with through thick and thin. He really does seem like a good guy. I just hope I’m not wrong about this one. This post isn’t going to be about him though. Lately I’ve been thinking about what I really want (and definitely do not want) in a relationship. It encompasses all...

Apr 1st

I want

To move far far away from everybody. I want to start a new life where nobody knows who I used to be, the things I used to do… I just want to be far FAR away. So nobody can find me…

Nov 3rd

October is usually the month I meet someone who I crush on. This is the first year in a long while I’ve had a boyfriend during this month. Too bad my boyfriend hasn’t really been around. The older I’m getting the more I want someone who will be around. I keep reassessing this relationship and I don’t know if I can keep making excuses for him… I just want someone...

Oct 24th

i dont get it...

such a liar, and i’m the horrible one? im not even going to play this game anymore…

Mar 30th

sometimes i wonder...

whats the point in trying to hide it? secrets are going to rip us apart…

Mar 29th

I love him... let him go... but i guess he never...

I love him more than anyone could love another person. Nobody else can understand why not even him. But he is my world. I guess I just have to leave the planet. Leave behind what once was and is now no more. I ended things so I should be happy about this. I fought with myself to just end it. I really didn’t want to. But I could no longer recognize the person I saw in the mirror. It was like...

Mar 1st

Writing From Experience

Its been almost 8 months since I ended things, knowing I was never really over you. All the serial dating from then until about a month and a half ago meant nothing. I was going through motions, reciting lines from a play I’ve starred in many many times. In the back of my mind there was always you. No matter how angry, upset, or hurt I was, there was always you. I never got to loving someone...

Feb 17th

I used to think that I wasn’t fine enough. I used to think that I wasn’t wild enough. But I won’t waste my time tryna figure out why you play these games what’s this all about?

Jan 10th

If you don’t have anything nice to say… Then come sit by me

Jan 7th

Is it weird that I like someone I hardly even know with no explanation other than pure attraction

Jan 7th

The guy I like doesnt know anything about me and the guys I’m not interested in keep trying to talk to me. Guess timing is off. I’ll be patient. All I need is one boy to love

Jan 4th

Grades first. Then party.

Jan 4th

Resolutions

1) strictly enforce no bullshit policy 2) drop 2 sizes by September 3)graduate 4) find a job 5) let go of things that’ve happened in the past

Jan 3rd

“I said it would end but here it goes again…”

Dec 26th

Soooooo awkward

Dec 25th