I’d rather not compete with other things just to get some attention. Call me selfish but I’m done not being number one…

I’m just pissed

I’m not complaining about spending. But damn I spent a lot. Just cuz he broke dont mean I have to go broke either. Ugh I’m frustrated! How you gonna blow $500 on nothing then expect me to shit out $300+ for anniversary gifts… Idk. I still got the impression of ungratefulness. I would’ve been happy to give it of he didnt bug me about getting it…

And I’m not going to lie. I expected something better. All I know is, I’m not spending for shit this weekend. If that’s the case I may as well stay home since I paid for a majority of the hotel stay…

This ain’t cool with me. Not one bit. I’m giving him one last chance to get his finances together. I’m not gonna commit to a financially unstable person.

Truth be told

My anniversary absolutely sucked! As I imagined, our relationship has reached it’s breaking point.

At one point I wanted to grab my stuff and leave- why? Because this is the point in a relationship that I’ve known so well. This is when somebody cheats, gets neglected, picks fights constantly, or is just not happy anymore.

I don’t want to end up hating Jon. But I do love him enough to give us a real shot. He’s tried to put this all on me and my insecurities but that’s not the complete story. He’s done things to make me not trust his true intentions. And I think the things that happened this past weekend was an indicator that he isn’t perfect and there are things that we don’t see eye to eye on as far as our futures go…

So let me start with the things I liked from his gifts… I loved the Daryl Dixon tee. I really liked the backup charger for my phone because its super useful. I’m not a fan of flowers, but I appreciated it very much. And I even thought the photo album was okay, but I hated the fact he didnt even wanna put in any work on it and had the nerve to ask me to put in the dates. Lol you fucking kidding me? It made me not even like that gift…

I like his lil gifts better than the ones he gives me on special occasions, only cuz it shows to me he doesn’t know what to get me because he doesn’t bother to try and figure it out. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because that isn’t the case. I just think the gifts don’t come from the heart…

Anyways back to the relationship… I’ve been trying to figure out why he is really staying with me. The way he makes his life seem with being busy and all, makes me wonder why we need to be together. I understand supporting each other, etc- but isn’t that what friends do? Sometimes I wonder if he’s with me for the monetary benefits of bein with me…

If we look at the situation, if he takes away the time he spends with me he really isn’t offering me much anymore… Idk, he tells me to let him know if I can’t do this relationship anymore, yet I was leaving he was begging me to stay. He was all tough and serious about not being able to have this type of relationship yet he still couldn’t let us go. Is it love? Or is it a sense of security?

Gotta give this a shot and see. I’m not gonna hold back and neither should he. If this is meant to be everything should fall into place naturally…

I hate being right about things I want to be wrong about #contemplate

As much as I talk about marriage, I’m not really expecting it. It’s just nice to try and plan something worth living for

Correction

The last post may have seemed more negative than I intended, but I am hoping for a better future together

For once. I would like to be the one taken care of…

I need to stop

Taking Jon for granted. He really and truly is amazing and he would do anything just to please me. I think I still test him because I worry this wont last. And it’s not going to if I keep acting the way I do. So from today on I’m just going to stop and smile. This man loves me. I don’t need to keep questioning that.

Real love is a bit intimidating. Lol. I’ve never felt one like this before.